A man should not become a pastor because he likes the idea. He needs to know, down deep in his soul, that God has personally and persistently made it clear that he must do this.
Many people enter the ministry filled with idealistic dreams of heralding the truths of Scripture to an eager and holy people, loving the people who make up the church while building up God’s kingdom; and the people of God loving him and his family, praying for him, and seeking his best. At least that is what he imagines.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t take long for us to discover that idealism and reality are seldom the same. It is at that point that pastors must revisit their sense of calling. During my 43 years of experience, there was more than once that I thought about giving up, only to be reminded that resignation wasn’t an option because the Lord doesn’t change His mind.
Perhaps in this unusual season, it would be helpful to remember that your negative experiences and thoughts are not uncommon. Here is a dose of realism:
Sometimes people will express their anger at you because you have followed the clear commands, principles, and examples of the Bible.
You will feel like a failure and do so with frequency. I remember many Sundays when my drive home, after church, was filled with regret and a sense of failure regarding the sermons that I had just preached. I don’t know how many times I looked at a list of people who had left the church and believed that it must be my fault that they’ve gone, and I’ve reviewed the church’s lack of growth as my failure.
You must protect your heart against pride. God, and God alone, is the one who grows His church (1 Corinthians 3:7).
You will do battle with a lack of personal discipline, sin, both covert and overt opposition, anger, a lack of forgiveness, and yes, even times of doubt. In other words, your depravity will come shining through, and you will have great disappointment about it.
Your preaching will be second-guessed. I remember when people said that my preaching was not deep enough, and others said it was too deep. Others suggested that I was wrong because I failed to single out racism, abortion, drinking, gambling, and the decay of morality, or promoting a candidate. In contrast, others said that I was too political. I remember a family leaving the church because I wondered aloud if the Earth was warming because of pollution. How that came up in the flow of a sermon is beyond me, but I said it. That was all it took to drive one family away.
You will have to learn to deal with criticism. Most of it will not be face to face. You’ll hear these words, “Pastor, a lot of people are telling me that you are failing because ________.” When you ask for names, the person communicating with you will not be able to tell you because of his or her deep concern for others’ privacy. Some of the criticism that you receive will be in person. And there will be times that they are correct in their assessment. However, many times they will not. Yet self-defense is almost always futile.
You will experience something that I call “otherness.” Once you enter the ministry, people will see you differently and react accordingly. These people include church members, strangers, friends, and relatives. You can have deep friendships, but still, you will be in a different category, other. I remember one time walking into a small but busy barbershop in California. Everyone was busy and joking around. It was a lively place. Then, during my haircut, the barber asked what I did for a living. I told him that I was a pastor, and it seemed like the air was sucked out of the room. I could have said that I had leprosy, and it would have been accepted more readily.
You will feel inadequate, and in reality, you are inadequate. The ministry is not something that you can do because you are smart, educated, disciplined, a good speaker or singer, or an extrovert. Spiritual progress is accomplished by spiritual people who use spiritual methods as they yield to Christ. Often, that yielding far more difficult than what you might think, however, the gnawing sense of inadequacy can become overwhelming.
You will often experience exposure to the very worst things that happen in people’s lives. In thinking back across the years, I remember people facing the unexpected death of a child, diagnosis of a terminal disease, betrayal of a spouse, the suicide of a close relative, a tragic accident, the disappearance of a child, rape, murder of a family member, a husband threatening to commit suicide with a revolver in his hand, and I could go on with the list. These experiences will leave a lasting mark, and I guess that they should.
You will be lonely. It sounds impossible given the time that you spend with people, but you will be with them but somehow separate. I can remember many times sitting in my office or at home on the couch on a Friday night feeling isolated with no one to talk about what I was honestly thinking or feeling. I couldn’t speak to church member buddies because they would be disappointed that their pastor had those thoughts.
These are ten tough things that pastors experience. If you are a pastor and you are struggling, understand that you are not different than others. I urge you to harken back to your calling and realize that the Sovereign of the universe has placed a sacred trust in you. He knew you before you were born “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born, I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” (Jeremiah 1:5, ESV) God knew you and knows you. He didn’t make a mistake on you and you will find Him to be sufficient.
These are hard times remember that you are not alone. God is with you; your fellow pastors understand, and Pastor Support Network is always ready to help.
By the way, I freely acknowledge that there may be pastors who disagree with one or more of these ten points and I may be the only errant pastor who is weak enough to think that way.
